Negative Past

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Dealing With The Negative Past

In order to move successfully forward in life it is important to come face to face with the past, deal with it, put it forever behind you and then move on. We have looked at completing the past. Now we need to begin. We all have junk from the past that keeps popping up to trip us.

There are those situations where people have hurt betrayed or rejected us. There are those occasions when we have betrayed or misjudged or let others down. We live and relive all those conversations or experiences; we revisit all those terrible feelings and emotions. We wear Guilt and Resentment like a heavy winter coat. It wears us down, and it keeps us from enjoying the warmth and the light of happiness and peace.

Guilt 

– comes when your belief of what you should be like collides with some behaviour of yours that doesn’t coincide with that picture of yourself.

E.g. you believe a good daughter would call her mother every day and have her over for dinner every Sunday. You have a busy family that is involved in many activities, you have a career, you volunteer, you serve on several committees – you have a hectic life! You don’t call your mother every day and you have trouble getting everything done that you have to on the weekend. You feel terribly guilty and very stressed!

To eliminate the guilt, you either have to change the behaviour or your belief.

Well, you could decide it is a priority and make the time to call every day and have her over weekly or

You are so busy you just can’t call her daily, so you will have to change your definition of "the good daughter". You made it. You can change it. Compromise would work well here.

If you are feeling guilty about some event or action on your part that has already occurred, the action is over and you can’t change it. The only thing you can do is change your belief, and move on.

That will probably involve FORGIVENESS. Oh, how tough is that!

Try this helpful approach. Say to yourself, " I was doing the best I could at the time, given my skill, knowledge and the circumstances". Forgive yourself and move on.

Resentment 

– occurs when your image of how other people should be doesn’t line up with their actions, in your mind.

You either have to change your image of what SHOULD be or change the people!

Ever try to change someone? Does it work? Nope! You can only change yourself.

SO YOUR CHOICES ARE:

You can keep on being miserable and angry 

or

You can change your attitude.

 You can decide to accept them for who they are. In the case of serious moral or criminal transgressions, you are not condoning their actions, just accepting them for who they are as people.

Again, a very helpful way of looking at it is, "She was doing the best she could at that time, given her knowledge, skills and the circumstances". She may be emotionally wounded from childhood, or frightened, or she may be lacking in self-esteem. (You would be surprised how many of the pushy, aggressive, seemingly confident people really lack a good sense of themselves!)

Forgiveness brings about a powerful attitude change 

and a lightness of spirit.     

 

You will be surprised at how much emotional and psychological energy it frees up!

 

   

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Last updated:  June 18, 2008